im not dropping names. ...
but a certain person has been accusing me of causing too much drama.
maybe i admitted something i shouldnt have. i mean i told him we could split the divorce settlement if he helped me. a team. and now i know hes going to tell his friend that rude remark i made. i thought it was funny. he didnt.
then, i accidently fell asleep in his ex girlfriends stella mccartney dress and this really pushed his buttons. oh and i accidently wore it home. i couldnt find my shirt! who cares? now hes so pissed. and i know hes going to fuck things up with the guy im trying to fuck.
he says they were all talking about it. all of those people. i dont know whether to be embarressed or flattered. but then he said i was rude bc he brought me and they were all competing (flaterring) and he got mad bc i kissed him. i had to.
and then the issue of the phone. he got so annoyed. well im sorry but im not going to curve my actions to please anyone. thats not me.
he thinks im too young to. but i dont act it unless its 7am.
oh i wish i could get into more detail bc this whole ordeal is really troubling to me.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
complete madness
last night i partied up a storm. it was so wild i dont know where to begin.
got off of work at 11, hopped in a cab downtown to the meat packing district, to meet some friends at pastis. i really dont get what all the fuss is over pastis? like sun brunch for those french ham and cheese things and belinis, yes, but im just not feeling the dinner vibe. although everyones always there. i dont want to name drop, but i was introduced to a friend of the man i was with, who happens to be ceo of a very large, very well known fashion company. he had his own body guard. major. so pastis was brief. we walked around the corner to budha bar. there was a group of about 8? got one of their large glass floor tables and ordered coconut mojitos and black budhas. dangerous! last time i had a black budha was for a's bday back in april. after just two i was completly out of it and ready to head home. there potent. so around 1 we hopped into his escalade and his driver drove us over to butter. i love people with drivers and hot cars. anyway. butter-obv the place to be a mon night. thats when the craziness really ensued. typical model type crowd. cut the line of course. he had his publist call and reserve a table. ordered lots of bottles of moet champagne and soon im shaking my ass on top of the table. it was all good fun. seriously though, there are few things in life i enjoy more than dancing wildly on table tops in the best clubs wiht champagne flute in one hand and cig in the other. just makes me happy ok? hopped back in the escalade around 4am and headed over to beatrice inn which i love love love! seriously the vibe there is so hipster and laid back and rock and roll and just the epitome of cool. even the champagne glasses are just those retro ones. the djs are unique and the dancing is the head bobbing drugged out kind (even though i dont do drugs, it just looks like everyone there has just been on a major coke binge lindsay lohan style). oh i ran into this bitchy parisian girl there whose in one of my classes and thinks shes the shit bc shes done a lot of film work in europe. she gave major attitude which is never fun. prob the one flaw of the night (up to that point). so left beatrice at 6(yes 6AM) with the sun shining bright. i love those nights... you see people just waking up heading to work with their coffee and your in such the opposite state its weird idk, but anyway i headed back to a certain friends apt to sleep over bc for some reason i was just on a huge adrenaline kick and was not tired. this guy is hard to read. ill elaborate because i have time. he uses words such as "Darling" and "lover" and "fabulous". He wears cleanly pressed, uber chic top designer clothing and has wicked style. Hes past metro... hes def crosses into the sterotypical gay zone, yet he swearsss hes straight. and i believe him bc he always is vying for my attention, i mean sexually. and he always points out certain girls he deems "fuckable". but then he'll say something like "Darling, that bitch is wearing last seasons jimmy choos". so confusing right? well whatever, i sleep over at his apt bc A. its 7 times the size of mine (at least), is in one of the best apt buildings in nyc, where tons of celebrities live (good sightings) has a pool, gym, rooftop access with a golfcourt and room service. yes, roomservice. oh and a killer view and balcony. so we go back and get in pajamas and start fighting or laughing or something and ended up playing dress up haha! it was so fun! he finally went to bed but i stayed up and drank some more wine (pinot grigio makes an excellent breakfast) talked on the phone for a while, then went up to the roof to soak up the sun and fabulous views.
i got in a cab to go to class today at 2. and now im at work. and exhausted. the end.
got off of work at 11, hopped in a cab downtown to the meat packing district, to meet some friends at pastis. i really dont get what all the fuss is over pastis? like sun brunch for those french ham and cheese things and belinis, yes, but im just not feeling the dinner vibe. although everyones always there. i dont want to name drop, but i was introduced to a friend of the man i was with, who happens to be ceo of a very large, very well known fashion company. he had his own body guard. major. so pastis was brief. we walked around the corner to budha bar. there was a group of about 8? got one of their large glass floor tables and ordered coconut mojitos and black budhas. dangerous! last time i had a black budha was for a's bday back in april. after just two i was completly out of it and ready to head home. there potent. so around 1 we hopped into his escalade and his driver drove us over to butter. i love people with drivers and hot cars. anyway. butter-obv the place to be a mon night. thats when the craziness really ensued. typical model type crowd. cut the line of course. he had his publist call and reserve a table. ordered lots of bottles of moet champagne and soon im shaking my ass on top of the table. it was all good fun. seriously though, there are few things in life i enjoy more than dancing wildly on table tops in the best clubs wiht champagne flute in one hand and cig in the other. just makes me happy ok? hopped back in the escalade around 4am and headed over to beatrice inn which i love love love! seriously the vibe there is so hipster and laid back and rock and roll and just the epitome of cool. even the champagne glasses are just those retro ones. the djs are unique and the dancing is the head bobbing drugged out kind (even though i dont do drugs, it just looks like everyone there has just been on a major coke binge lindsay lohan style). oh i ran into this bitchy parisian girl there whose in one of my classes and thinks shes the shit bc shes done a lot of film work in europe. she gave major attitude which is never fun. prob the one flaw of the night (up to that point). so left beatrice at 6(yes 6AM) with the sun shining bright. i love those nights... you see people just waking up heading to work with their coffee and your in such the opposite state its weird idk, but anyway i headed back to a certain friends apt to sleep over bc for some reason i was just on a huge adrenaline kick and was not tired. this guy is hard to read. ill elaborate because i have time. he uses words such as "Darling" and "lover" and "fabulous". He wears cleanly pressed, uber chic top designer clothing and has wicked style. Hes past metro... hes def crosses into the sterotypical gay zone, yet he swearsss hes straight. and i believe him bc he always is vying for my attention, i mean sexually. and he always points out certain girls he deems "fuckable". but then he'll say something like "Darling, that bitch is wearing last seasons jimmy choos". so confusing right? well whatever, i sleep over at his apt bc A. its 7 times the size of mine (at least), is in one of the best apt buildings in nyc, where tons of celebrities live (good sightings) has a pool, gym, rooftop access with a golfcourt and room service. yes, roomservice. oh and a killer view and balcony. so we go back and get in pajamas and start fighting or laughing or something and ended up playing dress up haha! it was so fun! he finally went to bed but i stayed up and drank some more wine (pinot grigio makes an excellent breakfast) talked on the phone for a while, then went up to the roof to soak up the sun and fabulous views.
i got in a cab to go to class today at 2. and now im at work. and exhausted. the end.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
how i end up in these situations, i dont know. im sitting here, laughing in hysterics about the chaos that is my life. im finding it difficult to comprehend last night. could that really have happened?
and to add to the drama in my world (as if needed) I could have possibly just met my future employer. visibly hungover and looking like, well, i wont even go there. So I had the clever idea last night to make babysitting flyers and put them on the front desk in the gym, just to be able to earn a little cash on the side. Now, everyone sees something new (these flyers are attention-catching bright) and they stop to check it out. I doubt half them have kids. But that leaves half that do. When I notice theyre looking for a while I introduce myself. Note to self; withdrawl flyers from members view until sober enough to convince them you'd be a good taker for thier children. Theres a sentace Id never thought Id say. Anyway, so this lady starts questioning me about my expierience and what not, totally reasonable and friendly, yet I can barley comprehend any of this through the pounding head ache, let alone articulate my responsibility, maturity and desire to watch her child. I mutter something completley dumb, something along the lines of "I love playing with kids. Theyre cute. I think theyre reallllyyy fun!" Shoot myself in the foot why dont I? And to make matters worse, my normal clumsiness is accelarated (thank you one hour of sleep) and I accidently knock my bag off the counter as I turn around, causing my diet coke can to hit the ground and explode, spraying fizz in every which way. The lady things I'm crazy. I wouldnt be surprised if Im bordering insane. Whatever.
Back to last night. My mind inevietibly keeps wandering back there, trying to pinpoint details. Contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that drinking makes you more socially inapt, as opposed to outgoing and relaxed. Brief history for youl: highschool/college, its cool to be drunk. puke on the street. run naked through the woods. whatever. its cool that you got beer in the first place. yet the older you get, the more shame involved, i.e. one who cant handle thier liquor is generally frowned upon, sneeered upon. but we all enjoy the drunken state, no? so maybe its just me, but i try to play it cool for as long as i can. maybe its the actress in me, but i can down 6 glasses of wine (and be feeling it) yet convince people ive had 1. this works up until the point when sober girl passes out for no apparent reason. no, but truthfully it just makes me feel more self concious. Esp around people i dont know. having to pretned to be rich or powerful or important is one thing, but having to fight your actual state of physical being to mantain dignity in a crowd is another. maybe im just phycologically warping my perception of being intoxicated. while ive convinced myself that it is a pleasure, its really a state that causes discomfort. unless im alone. what the hell am i talking about?
and to add to the drama in my world (as if needed) I could have possibly just met my future employer. visibly hungover and looking like, well, i wont even go there. So I had the clever idea last night to make babysitting flyers and put them on the front desk in the gym, just to be able to earn a little cash on the side. Now, everyone sees something new (these flyers are attention-catching bright) and they stop to check it out. I doubt half them have kids. But that leaves half that do. When I notice theyre looking for a while I introduce myself. Note to self; withdrawl flyers from members view until sober enough to convince them you'd be a good taker for thier children. Theres a sentace Id never thought Id say. Anyway, so this lady starts questioning me about my expierience and what not, totally reasonable and friendly, yet I can barley comprehend any of this through the pounding head ache, let alone articulate my responsibility, maturity and desire to watch her child. I mutter something completley dumb, something along the lines of "I love playing with kids. Theyre cute. I think theyre reallllyyy fun!" Shoot myself in the foot why dont I? And to make matters worse, my normal clumsiness is accelarated (thank you one hour of sleep) and I accidently knock my bag off the counter as I turn around, causing my diet coke can to hit the ground and explode, spraying fizz in every which way. The lady things I'm crazy. I wouldnt be surprised if Im bordering insane. Whatever.
Back to last night. My mind inevietibly keeps wandering back there, trying to pinpoint details. Contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that drinking makes you more socially inapt, as opposed to outgoing and relaxed. Brief history for youl: highschool/college, its cool to be drunk. puke on the street. run naked through the woods. whatever. its cool that you got beer in the first place. yet the older you get, the more shame involved, i.e. one who cant handle thier liquor is generally frowned upon, sneeered upon. but we all enjoy the drunken state, no? so maybe its just me, but i try to play it cool for as long as i can. maybe its the actress in me, but i can down 6 glasses of wine (and be feeling it) yet convince people ive had 1. this works up until the point when sober girl passes out for no apparent reason. no, but truthfully it just makes me feel more self concious. Esp around people i dont know. having to pretned to be rich or powerful or important is one thing, but having to fight your actual state of physical being to mantain dignity in a crowd is another. maybe im just phycologically warping my perception of being intoxicated. while ive convinced myself that it is a pleasure, its really a state that causes discomfort. unless im alone. what the hell am i talking about?
An hour ago I passed out, naked and drunk. 60 short minutes later and here I am, barley alive and operating. How (really?) I managed to pull myself together this morning is nothing short of a miracle, because last night was the epitome of insane.
To be quiet frank, Im still a little drunk. Eyes are blurry, mouth has the reminisce of wine, head is dizzy. How will I possibly survive this day? I can barley even sit up right now, honestly, typing is the only thing keeping me from slouching back into a comfortable sleep-like position in this very stiff chair. I am a collasal mess. Quarter till 8 my alarm rang, scarring the shit out of me and prompting me to throw on the closet thing I could find. Unfortunatley for moi that happened to be a sheer yellow tank over a black lace bra. This, plus attempting to sprint (hungover) to work, led to a lot of honks from passing cabbies, which only deteriorated my already negative mood. I mean, lets be honest, is it really crucial to work out at 8 AM on a sun morning? I think the same rule of thumb for cocktails should apply to working out on weekends...at least wait till noon. Now, feeling ridiculously underdressed and underslept (I made that one up) I sit here, as people give me the judgemental glance passing by. And sadly, I dont think the largest coffee can cure this one.
Should I even dulve into the grusome details of last night? God, what an adventure! One of those infamous NY nights, where you seem to feel ontop of the world (at least till morning). I dont want to get into specifics, but ah, what the hell, this blog is relitivley annoymous so why not? Where to start though? (head pounding). I suppose I shall start with the beginging, logically. Got off of work, worked out (boring), showered, dressed (MJ top, old JC vintage wedges, green denim) and hopped in a cab over to P's. Havent seen him in so long. I just love catching up with old friends. It feels like your rediscovering a part of your past, youve long sinced buried or forgotten about. Its sweet, at best, to be reminded of a more innocent, simpler time. After all, I shared a whole summer with him, and I do truley feel a deep, meaningful connection to him. Its funny how this sense memory work we do in class really does ring true to real life. Case and point: the simple smell of Ps apt brought a flow of unexpected emotions. Suddenly I was there again, 17, carefree, expeirencing my first dose of life. I just love it. All of it. Anyway. I cant get into what happened next. Let just say it involved an Spanish ambassador, Las Vegas, and a few famous people. I dont kid. Im not that good.
Oh gosh. Customers giving me attitude. absolute last thing I need now. Haha I turned the radio on showtune and claim I Dont know how to switch it, just to piss them off. Wow, thats sad. Change it soon haha
And then, drunken at 5 AM, I suddenly was motivated to call another certain someone from my past. Why? Bc Ive been fantasizing about him for weeks. GOD I HOPE no one reads tthis. Reminder to self; delete when completley sobered up. But yes, my drunken state propelled me to make the bold move (for me at least) and telling him exactley how I felt, well, at least as much as I could articulate. Truth is hes the only person Ive really ever been deeply attracted to. Physically that is. And not for lack of gorgeous guys, but he just had some sort of charm (?) I guess about him. Not at all arogant, like most the men I meet. Love? No. Hell, I cant tell you the first thing about that. Lust, I could write a massive novel on, but true, deep, meaningful love? Im blind.
To be quiet frank, Im still a little drunk. Eyes are blurry, mouth has the reminisce of wine, head is dizzy. How will I possibly survive this day? I can barley even sit up right now, honestly, typing is the only thing keeping me from slouching back into a comfortable sleep-like position in this very stiff chair. I am a collasal mess. Quarter till 8 my alarm rang, scarring the shit out of me and prompting me to throw on the closet thing I could find. Unfortunatley for moi that happened to be a sheer yellow tank over a black lace bra. This, plus attempting to sprint (hungover) to work, led to a lot of honks from passing cabbies, which only deteriorated my already negative mood. I mean, lets be honest, is it really crucial to work out at 8 AM on a sun morning? I think the same rule of thumb for cocktails should apply to working out on weekends...at least wait till noon. Now, feeling ridiculously underdressed and underslept (I made that one up) I sit here, as people give me the judgemental glance passing by. And sadly, I dont think the largest coffee can cure this one.
Should I even dulve into the grusome details of last night? God, what an adventure! One of those infamous NY nights, where you seem to feel ontop of the world (at least till morning). I dont want to get into specifics, but ah, what the hell, this blog is relitivley annoymous so why not? Where to start though? (head pounding). I suppose I shall start with the beginging, logically. Got off of work, worked out (boring), showered, dressed (MJ top, old JC vintage wedges, green denim) and hopped in a cab over to P's. Havent seen him in so long. I just love catching up with old friends. It feels like your rediscovering a part of your past, youve long sinced buried or forgotten about. Its sweet, at best, to be reminded of a more innocent, simpler time. After all, I shared a whole summer with him, and I do truley feel a deep, meaningful connection to him. Its funny how this sense memory work we do in class really does ring true to real life. Case and point: the simple smell of Ps apt brought a flow of unexpected emotions. Suddenly I was there again, 17, carefree, expeirencing my first dose of life. I just love it. All of it. Anyway. I cant get into what happened next. Let just say it involved an Spanish ambassador, Las Vegas, and a few famous people. I dont kid. Im not that good.
Oh gosh. Customers giving me attitude. absolute last thing I need now. Haha I turned the radio on showtune and claim I Dont know how to switch it, just to piss them off. Wow, thats sad. Change it soon haha
And then, drunken at 5 AM, I suddenly was motivated to call another certain someone from my past. Why? Bc Ive been fantasizing about him for weeks. GOD I HOPE no one reads tthis. Reminder to self; delete when completley sobered up. But yes, my drunken state propelled me to make the bold move (for me at least) and telling him exactley how I felt, well, at least as much as I could articulate. Truth is hes the only person Ive really ever been deeply attracted to. Physically that is. And not for lack of gorgeous guys, but he just had some sort of charm (?) I guess about him. Not at all arogant, like most the men I meet. Love? No. Hell, I cant tell you the first thing about that. Lust, I could write a massive novel on, but true, deep, meaningful love? Im blind.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
the night that almost was
Last night I was planning on going to beatrice inn and rosebar, with c, whom i havent seen in ages! Today I read on popsugar that Sienna and Savannah Miller debuted thier new fashion line, twentyeighttwelve there last night. ARgh. Hate missing out on the fun. I met c at her apt (which is gorgeous. am comp jealous) and after two hours of sorting through her closet we were finally ready (borrowed a cute marc jacobs top and paired it with wide leg, high waisted jeans). Only prob was she caught a mysterious case of what I can only assume is food poisening? Light headed. Nautious. Cramps. We had planned on meeting Anna Wintours step son at BEatrice, then heading to GPH to go to Rosebar, but the night slowly declined to nada. Just felt the need to share my agony and regret. Im being so melodramatic! But I guess thats why they make Saturdays. Tonight Im meeting E. Havent seen him in ages either. And even though I have work at 8AM tom (god hates me) Im still craving a big night out on the town. 
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Random things like this just happen to me...
Often plagued by insomnia, last night being no exception, I found my self sneaking outside for a cigarette at 11:30. I like to sit on this little stoop in front of Shabu Shabu. Its the perfect size, surrounded by exotic Japanese plants, and even has a little ashtray bowl sort of thing for the convience of customers (which I pretend I am, otherwise, they probably would tell me to get off thier stoop). Anyway, maybe it was the florecent glow of the streetlamps casting a flattering dewy- orange spotlight, maybe it was my hazy state of drowsiness, or maybe it was just blind luck, but out of the restaurant emerges the most beautiful boy I have ever laid eyes on (I'm telling you, those street lamps really do cast a flattering glow). I stare mesmorized, oblivious to the fact that I have major bed head (not the sexy kind) and am in my pajamas (again, not the sexy kind). To my surprise however, he approaches me. You know that moment when you meet a stranger, and a spark ignites, a familiar feeling occours, like you know that you could some day be best friends (or more) with this virtual stranger in front of you. I have no other way of describing it besides a blind sort of hope. The thought that perhaps one day you could be talking about this very moment and laughing at how far you've come together. OK- maybe I was just super tired. Whatever. The pretty boy starts talking to me. He asks what are good bars in the neighborhood. And on what can only be described as a spontaneous whim, desperate to escape the fight for sleep, I say "give me a minute to get dressed and I'll show you". Bold! Very bold, indeed haha! I kind of shocked myself, actually, because normally I would never have the spine to say something so balsy. I think I caught him off guard as well, but he happily obliged. 10 minutes later, we were at Murphys' Law. Murphy's Law is the kind of bar you frequent for the sole purpose of getting completley and utterly wasted. Its a mere block and a half from my apartment, perfect distance for stumbling home at 3AM, no cabs or subways required. Its a dark, crowded little hole in the wall, that plays bad 90's music so loudly you have to shout to be heard, even if your sitting right next to the person, which you most likely are considering the vast number of people in such a small place. Its frequented by off duty nurses and doctors from near by Lenox Hill hospital, and the young Hunter college types. The bartender there is fabulous, a straight out stereotype of what you would imagine an irish bartender to be, complete with interesting tatoos and attitude. Barley can understand a word he says through his thick accent, but you dont need to, for Murphys Law serves two things only; liquor and beer. No cocktails, no wine, no fuss. To be honest, I enjoy fuss. I love ordering a pomegrante belini with Moet instead of Dom Perion and a Strawberry garnish, but I dont have the luxury of doing so within a block and a half of my apt at 11:30 PM. Damn I should move to Chelsea. Im getting sidetracked. Anyway, if I had been more on my game I would have suggested somewhere a bit more romantic, but I should also mention the unfortunate detail of Pete, his "buddy" whom so inconveiniatly had to be tagging along. Im being harsh, truth be told, Pete was a very generous, funny, and mellow guy who didnt say much besides, "can I get you another vodka tonic?" (Pete footed the bill). Two drinks later and Mr. Handsome is looking a whole lot better (is this possible?) The dim Murphys Law lighting really does wonders for a mans complexion (I should know by now this guy looks good under any form of lighting!) Turns out hes got a personality too (shocker)! He was really charming, interested, and all together made for really good company. He spoke quickly and in an enthusiatic manner. You could tell he was one of those naturally optimistic people just by his tone of voice and the way he referred to his shitty internship as a "growing expierience". And every so often he'd throw in some unexpected, off beat wit, causing me to burst into laughter, and not just faux polite laughter, the kind that really throws you, shakes you, rattles your core. We left Murphy's Law about an hour later and walked back to Pete's apt on 73rd and York. I guess we all shared a mutual craving for wine (again, perpetually unavailable at ML) so we stopped by East River Liquors and picked up a $40 bottle of Chardonay (Thanks Pete). I was crossing my fingers and desperatly hoping Pete would reside in a penthouse atop a 40 store luxury condemenuom building, sporting a terrace that gave way to a breath taking East River view, high enough to pick up the light summer breeze and smell the salt of the nearby water. He had a first story studio, with a bunk bed and a 13 inch tv. At least it had cable. But I wasnt too disapointed, I mean, what had originally been a mundane Wed night has turned out to be something quite pleasant and enjoyable. I wont dulve into the detail of what followed, nothing x rated of course, but I do think my grandpa reads this blog (god I hope not!!) but just in case, I'll just leave it at I celebrated 411 late this year. Anyway, as the night progressed, my insomnia decreased, and suddenly I was very tired. He walked me home and was a perfect gentlemen. We said goodnight, exchanged numbers, and he even texted today asking if I wanted to get together over the weekend. How can I object?
Sunday, July 8, 2007
what to read while your sunning in the south of france... or south of jersey..
I'm on a big Tennessee Williams kick right now. in the last week i have read 'streetcar' 'summer in smoke' and half of 'cat on a hot tin roof'. i think its the heat. the sweltering air that seems to cyclone around the city, trapping it all in. i feel like i should be in the south, drinking a mint julep on an old rusted wrap around patio. my scene partner suggested i do blanche in streetcar for our upcoming scene. i have to admit i was a bit offended. first off, im way to young to play blanche, i mean shes a fascinating charachter whom i would someday aspire to portray, but at 19 i really dont think i could pull it off. one of the main aspects of her is that shes terrified of her aging face! lets pray im not getting wrinkles yet!
i've also been reading a lot of shanley lately. i just finished a scene with clare (who was AMAZING as savage) from savage in limbo. personally i felt like i didnt have enough time, or truthfully enough stimuli to portray linda how she deserved to be played. both charachter contridict yet compliment each other so beautifully. clare had savage down to a t. and its so frusterating for me to think that linda was underdeveloped. but whats done is done and hopefully in the future i can come back and work on her more. i just finished danny in the deep blue sea and women of manhattan as well, WOM ive worked on already, so im not about to embrace DDBS. shanley's fun but i need to branch out.
as for non-plays (i dont think thats correct grammer but oh well) besides reading dolores (which im kind of sensing is written by shanley as well, although i cant say for sure because i just have copied pages w/ no author name!!!) and the only game in town, im re-reading one of my all time favorite campy classics, valley of the dolls. chic lit at its finest! can you ask for a better beach read?! melodrama, melt downs, over the top phrases, and the 60's! i think not. im also begining 'the power of now', which my friend saskia swears totally changed her life. (btw this was before paris was photographed with it!!) the first few pages didnt draw me in the way they are supposed to, but then again, it is non fiction and deeply spiritual. speaking of spiritual books, i was walking by the strand the other day and picked up a book titled 'tibetan buddhism'. one dollar! in no way am i suggesting everyone convert to buddhism, but i do think its concept is universally appealing, and people would benefit by at least learning about it. i dont know much about it, seeing as how i just got the book, but i believe it differs from christianity in that people are not made to feel guilty or wrong by thier "sins." on a lighter note, i was given a copy of the NY times bestseller, a thousand splendid suns, which i am eager to begin!
i've also been reading a lot of shanley lately. i just finished a scene with clare (who was AMAZING as savage) from savage in limbo. personally i felt like i didnt have enough time, or truthfully enough stimuli to portray linda how she deserved to be played. both charachter contridict yet compliment each other so beautifully. clare had savage down to a t. and its so frusterating for me to think that linda was underdeveloped. but whats done is done and hopefully in the future i can come back and work on her more. i just finished danny in the deep blue sea and women of manhattan as well, WOM ive worked on already, so im not about to embrace DDBS. shanley's fun but i need to branch out.
as for non-plays (i dont think thats correct grammer but oh well) besides reading dolores (which im kind of sensing is written by shanley as well, although i cant say for sure because i just have copied pages w/ no author name!!!) and the only game in town, im re-reading one of my all time favorite campy classics, valley of the dolls. chic lit at its finest! can you ask for a better beach read?! melodrama, melt downs, over the top phrases, and the 60's! i think not. im also begining 'the power of now', which my friend saskia swears totally changed her life. (btw this was before paris was photographed with it!!) the first few pages didnt draw me in the way they are supposed to, but then again, it is non fiction and deeply spiritual. speaking of spiritual books, i was walking by the strand the other day and picked up a book titled 'tibetan buddhism'. one dollar! in no way am i suggesting everyone convert to buddhism, but i do think its concept is universally appealing, and people would benefit by at least learning about it. i dont know much about it, seeing as how i just got the book, but i believe it differs from christianity in that people are not made to feel guilty or wrong by thier "sins." on a lighter note, i was given a copy of the NY times bestseller, a thousand splendid suns, which i am eager to begin!
what i want now...continued!
uhh DVF dress!!! My mouth is watering. Stunning!!
Miu Miu rope wedges. They are the perfect finish
to white skinny jeans
and a white blouse
Casablanca maxi dress. jersey. Perfect to wear over a baithing suit, out to lunch, even out clubbing!
Giuseppe Zanotti gladiator sandals. on sale now at barneys (still $300 though)!! but oh so versitale!
This sexy vintage romper is on sale now on ebay. Cant you just see it, placed with some black leather boots or high heels. Perfect for a night out! Place your bid while it lasts!Perfect summer day dress. So easy. Kind of thing that makes no makeup and messy hair look chic. Reminds me of the Nantucket shore.
a cross between a fannie pack and acorn. kind of fun in an off beat way. vintage, ebay
twill shorts. MARC by marc jacobs. enough said. the man can do no wrong.
my obsessions this season: rompers, white, loose hair waves, flats, jersey, knits, gold
it must get boring, being so flash
bored much?!?!
fourth time Ive written today, but i suppose its better than waiting tables...
Whats on my mind now is the decline of all NYC nightlife. I'm bored with it. NY is supposedly known as cutting edge, new, innovated, thriving, daring... if so then why is every single night club exactly the same? Every so often a new club will emerge. A few celebrities will show up, a few articles will be written, but then, after a month or so of hype, the establishment will fall into the hands of the ever eager promoters. Ruin. It seems nowadays not only does every club look and feel the same, but everything is so promoter driven. Its ridiculous. "Ask for so-and-so at the door." " Sit at my table." I'm completely over it.
I think someone should contribute to the attempted evolution of nightlife and open a distinctivly different venue . Let me paint a picture of what we have now at the majority of "hot spots" aroundthe city: dark. loud, overproduced music. crammed bar. drunk girls dancing. guys who think there the shit because they buy tables and spend $1000/night (please). vodka cranberries. annoying people taking pictures of themselves. starfuckers.
It seems their just letting anyone in these days! I want the exclusive glamour. The excitement of meeting new, interesting people from around the world, as opposed to what is now the stereotypical club goer. I want new decor. And lightning! I'm not talking mega watts, but is it that intimidating to really see the people there? Perhaps that's why there letting everyone in now! And the music- its awful! The same obnoxious songs heard in every place in the city. Cant they introduce something new? And is it absolutely necessary to blare it so loud you cant hear the person next to you speak?
So here's my proposal:
Open somewhere that puts a fresh spin on the decor. Nix the "sexy, dark" look. Get inspiration from somewhere new (french Rivera? Gothic cathedral?) Something that doesn't involve too much black, brown, or Burgundy. I have to commend Bungalow here, the palm trees and decent lighting add a refreshing touch. Speaking of lighting- get some! I hate stepping out of the club only to realize the person I just met is a total hag! Get a new DJ. Someone know ones heard of and use the club as a venue to promote and introduce new music. And by new I mean groundbreaking new. Never been heard before. And for gods sake, be more exclusive! Get a doorman, better yet, get 3 doormen, and instruct them not to let anyone who is not a celebrity ,celebuspawn, socialite, millionaire, jet setter, or incredibly over the top gorgeous in. Period. No list. No promoters. No tables even. Be creative- put in a pool or a trampoline or a massage therapist or interactive video games. I don't know, just put some spice in it! Something fun and different. Why not? Hire some entertainers. Showgirls, fortune tellers, magicians. That would be a step towards evolving nightlife!
While I speak of the majority of the clubs, I have to applaud some. BED's decor isn't bad. Especially their rooftop bar, which boasts fantastic views! Room Service took a step in the right direction, with their whole "concierge service", although Ive never seen anyone actually use it. And the decor just kills whatever efforts they made in the first place. Also, Sky lounge at the Hotel Gavennsport wouldn't be bad if A. it weren't always so damn crowded with nobodies. and B. they opened the pool (I'm big on view btw)
So thats that. I'm over it. When I'm a multi billionaire I'll invest in my dream club.
As for now I'll stick to my few favorites. And private events. The end.
fourth time Ive written today, but i suppose its better than waiting tables...
Whats on my mind now is the decline of all NYC nightlife. I'm bored with it. NY is supposedly known as cutting edge, new, innovated, thriving, daring... if so then why is every single night club exactly the same? Every so often a new club will emerge. A few celebrities will show up, a few articles will be written, but then, after a month or so of hype, the establishment will fall into the hands of the ever eager promoters. Ruin. It seems nowadays not only does every club look and feel the same, but everything is so promoter driven. Its ridiculous. "Ask for so-and-so at the door." " Sit at my table." I'm completely over it.
I think someone should contribute to the attempted evolution of nightlife and open a distinctivly different venue . Let me paint a picture of what we have now at the majority of "hot spots" aroundthe city: dark. loud, overproduced music. crammed bar. drunk girls dancing. guys who think there the shit because they buy tables and spend $1000/night (please). vodka cranberries. annoying people taking pictures of themselves. starfuckers.
It seems their just letting anyone in these days! I want the exclusive glamour. The excitement of meeting new, interesting people from around the world, as opposed to what is now the stereotypical club goer. I want new decor. And lightning! I'm not talking mega watts, but is it that intimidating to really see the people there? Perhaps that's why there letting everyone in now! And the music- its awful! The same obnoxious songs heard in every place in the city. Cant they introduce something new? And is it absolutely necessary to blare it so loud you cant hear the person next to you speak?
So here's my proposal:
Open somewhere that puts a fresh spin on the decor. Nix the "sexy, dark" look. Get inspiration from somewhere new (french Rivera? Gothic cathedral?) Something that doesn't involve too much black, brown, or Burgundy. I have to commend Bungalow here, the palm trees and decent lighting add a refreshing touch. Speaking of lighting- get some! I hate stepping out of the club only to realize the person I just met is a total hag! Get a new DJ. Someone know ones heard of and use the club as a venue to promote and introduce new music. And by new I mean groundbreaking new. Never been heard before. And for gods sake, be more exclusive! Get a doorman, better yet, get 3 doormen, and instruct them not to let anyone who is not a celebrity ,celebuspawn, socialite, millionaire, jet setter, or incredibly over the top gorgeous in. Period. No list. No promoters. No tables even. Be creative- put in a pool or a trampoline or a massage therapist or interactive video games. I don't know, just put some spice in it! Something fun and different. Why not? Hire some entertainers. Showgirls, fortune tellers, magicians. That would be a step towards evolving nightlife!
While I speak of the majority of the clubs, I have to applaud some. BED's decor isn't bad. Especially their rooftop bar, which boasts fantastic views! Room Service took a step in the right direction, with their whole "concierge service", although Ive never seen anyone actually use it. And the decor just kills whatever efforts they made in the first place. Also, Sky lounge at the Hotel Gavennsport wouldn't be bad if A. it weren't always so damn crowded with nobodies. and B. they opened the pool (I'm big on view btw)
So thats that. I'm over it. When I'm a multi billionaire I'll invest in my dream club.
As for now I'll stick to my few favorites. And private events. The end.
land of plenty
New York City is a city of excess.
New Yorkers have access to anything and everything imaginable, at any time. In the land of 24 hour gyms, laundromats, spas, shops, restaurants, bars, etc, nothing is off limits! Esp. when its only a short walk, cab ride, or subway stop away!
This begs the question though; how much is too much? I myself am a very indecisive individual. I like having choices but hate making them. Presented with such a plethora of options can be initially overwhelming. Case and point; its now 1PM and Ive decided to order lunch. Where I come from, when ordering food you have 2 options: local chinese take out or chain pizza outlet. Here, however, within a block radius your confronted with every nationality of food, all which promise to deliver within 15 minutes; Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Moroccan, Spanish, Mexican, Greek, Italian, American, and the list goes on! Even the fast food chains deliver! Its definitely a convienence, being able to basically have whatever you want at your fingertips, one which I was not used to.
But of course it doesn't stop there. Alcohol, for example, is attainable in any form at any time as well. Even the liquor stores are opened until midnight! Restaurants serve alcohol before noon. A belini or bloody mary with breakfast is totaly acceptable, if not encouraged. Bars and clubs are open until 6AM. And of course there is always an after party, which we all know can stretch well in to the morning hours. With this type of availability, no wonder Americans are known for over indulgence. Can you really blame people like BS and LL for taking things too far, when its all served up on a silver platter? (Well, LL is a diff. story lol)
When you've grown up in an environment with limits, many limits, it can be difficult at first being thrust into a world with endless possibilities. When I first moved here I was shocked at how easy life was. If I wanted a drink in VA, I would have to beg some older teenager to buy me some beer, which I happen to despise in the first place. (my point being it was a 'big deal' bc of the limited accessability) Bars? HA forget about it! Unless I wanted TGIF or something! Here, however, I can safely say that I can walk into any bar and be served whatever my heart desires. Say I'm not in the mood to go out? Walk a block North to the liquor store and buy, again, whatever my heart desires. So easy! But in this aspect it looses some of its appeal.
Even if you find yourself unable to sleep and bored in the middle of the night, there are a million opportunities just waiting. Apple ipod store? 24/7 gym on 14th? Grocery shopping or laundry? I wont even get into the going out ...
Its easy to take for granite. To become a lifestyle. Its only when you step out of your shoes for a moment, does it seem so grand. I admit I (along with about 8 million others) am guilty of becoming accustomed to such a spoiled and overtly indulgent way of life. but is this good or bad?
New Yorkers have access to anything and everything imaginable, at any time. In the land of 24 hour gyms, laundromats, spas, shops, restaurants, bars, etc, nothing is off limits! Esp. when its only a short walk, cab ride, or subway stop away!
This begs the question though; how much is too much? I myself am a very indecisive individual. I like having choices but hate making them. Presented with such a plethora of options can be initially overwhelming. Case and point; its now 1PM and Ive decided to order lunch. Where I come from, when ordering food you have 2 options: local chinese take out or chain pizza outlet. Here, however, within a block radius your confronted with every nationality of food, all which promise to deliver within 15 minutes; Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Moroccan, Spanish, Mexican, Greek, Italian, American, and the list goes on! Even the fast food chains deliver! Its definitely a convienence, being able to basically have whatever you want at your fingertips, one which I was not used to.
But of course it doesn't stop there. Alcohol, for example, is attainable in any form at any time as well. Even the liquor stores are opened until midnight! Restaurants serve alcohol before noon. A belini or bloody mary with breakfast is totaly acceptable, if not encouraged. Bars and clubs are open until 6AM. And of course there is always an after party, which we all know can stretch well in to the morning hours. With this type of availability, no wonder Americans are known for over indulgence. Can you really blame people like BS and LL for taking things too far, when its all served up on a silver platter? (Well, LL is a diff. story lol)
When you've grown up in an environment with limits, many limits, it can be difficult at first being thrust into a world with endless possibilities. When I first moved here I was shocked at how easy life was. If I wanted a drink in VA, I would have to beg some older teenager to buy me some beer, which I happen to despise in the first place. (my point being it was a 'big deal' bc of the limited accessability) Bars? HA forget about it! Unless I wanted TGIF or something! Here, however, I can safely say that I can walk into any bar and be served whatever my heart desires. Say I'm not in the mood to go out? Walk a block North to the liquor store and buy, again, whatever my heart desires. So easy! But in this aspect it looses some of its appeal.
Even if you find yourself unable to sleep and bored in the middle of the night, there are a million opportunities just waiting. Apple ipod store? 24/7 gym on 14th? Grocery shopping or laundry? I wont even get into the going out ...
Its easy to take for granite. To become a lifestyle. Its only when you step out of your shoes for a moment, does it seem so grand. I admit I (along with about 8 million others) am guilty of becoming accustomed to such a spoiled and overtly indulgent way of life. but is this good or bad?
Australian article
Girls 'just felt right' murdering friend
By Liza Kappelle
April 23, 2007 07:34pm
TWO teenagers who wanted to experience murder told police it "felt right" to strangle a friend and bury her body in a shallow grave beneath her West Australian home.
The 17-year-old girls, who cannot be named due to their age, today faced a sentencing hearing in Perth Children's Court after pleading guilty to murdering Eliza Jane Davis in the small coal mining town of Collie on June 18, 2006.
As the girls sat stony-faced in court today, Prosecutor Simon Stone said they had confessed that after partying with Eliza on the Saturday night they decided to kill her.
"Sunday morning me and (her) woke up, and we were just talking, and for some reason we just decided to kill her," one of the girls told police in her interview.
"We just did it because we felt like it, it is hard to explain," the other girl said.
"I knew we had wanted to kill someone before.
"We knew it was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong at all, it just felt right."
The girls planned their attack and changed into old clothes.
One of them snuck up behind Eliza as she was reading, wrapped speaker wire twice around her throat and quickly tightened it as the other held her down, trying to press a chemical soaked cloth into her mouth.
"She started not being able to get her breath, and we just kept going," one of the girls said.
"She was just yelling at us `What the f**k, what are you doing' .. `Oh you freaks, what's wrong with you psychos."
Mr Stone said they chose to strangle Eliza because one of them had to return to Perth that afternoon and they wanted a quick and "non-messy" killing.
"As our friend, we did not really want her to suffer," one told police.
"We didn't really expect to get away with it.
"We were willing to take the risk."
The girls regretted the fuss the killing caused but neither felt remorse for their dead friend, Mr Stone said.
"If she had died another way it probably would have bothered me ... but it just did not," one girl said.
The girls reported Eliza missing after they buried her and pretended to help her family look for the dead girl.
The girls turned themselves in several days later, walking into separate police stations and directing authorities to where they buried her body.
Mr Stone told the court the girls had no remorse and were holding back on the reason behind their cold-blooded, premeditated, sadistic killing.
"It is a mystery your honour, what happened."
He said the girls had discussed killing someone else and one had prepared for homicide by killing two kittens.
"Whilst together (they) will continue to pose some risk to others in custody."
Mr Stone called for sentences of life in prison.
The hearing continues tomorrow.
This article was emailed to me by a casting director. It is the basis for the script of an upcoming indie film I think I'm going to audition for.
I don't know what to make of this article. Its a million shades of disturbing. But after re -reading it, I find myself attempting to justify what these two girls did. Maybe its just the actor side of my brain kicking in, obviously if I were to play one of them I would have to have some good motivation behind it. Could it really have been that simple as two teenagers craving experiences and having gone too far? I mean, its widely known that teenagers like to push the limits. They experiment with alcohol, drugs, sex, rebellion, but these are all mild compared to actually murdering someone. But could that thirst for knowledge and life really result in death?
I've been hearing a lot about death lately. Its always been a subject of fascination for me, maybe because not a single person can write in actual fact what happens in the perceptional world once someone is deceased. The concept is almost to hard to grasp. So many religions and philosophers dedicate enormous amounts of time, lifetimes even, into analyzing death and the spiritual world, when in fact, we all know that no one can say exactly how it works.
With this in mind, why would these two girl feel the need to explore and tamper with something so out of their own hands? Perhaps they wanted to know what it felt like to commit an act so sadisticly cruel? Or maybe playing with life itself was their objective all along.
You know, even in analyzing this myself, I find a similarity (however small) to these two girls. That is the need for exploration. How exhiliarating and adventerous (if not difficult) it would be too tap into the mindset of a young killer! There is an sick thrill in the danger of discovering thier world. I think I will audition.
By Liza Kappelle
April 23, 2007 07:34pm
TWO teenagers who wanted to experience murder told police it "felt right" to strangle a friend and bury her body in a shallow grave beneath her West Australian home.
The 17-year-old girls, who cannot be named due to their age, today faced a sentencing hearing in Perth Children's Court after pleading guilty to murdering Eliza Jane Davis in the small coal mining town of Collie on June 18, 2006.
As the girls sat stony-faced in court today, Prosecutor Simon Stone said they had confessed that after partying with Eliza on the Saturday night they decided to kill her.
"Sunday morning me and (her) woke up, and we were just talking, and for some reason we just decided to kill her," one of the girls told police in her interview.
"We just did it because we felt like it, it is hard to explain," the other girl said.
"I knew we had wanted to kill someone before.
"We knew it was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong at all, it just felt right."
The girls planned their attack and changed into old clothes.
One of them snuck up behind Eliza as she was reading, wrapped speaker wire twice around her throat and quickly tightened it as the other held her down, trying to press a chemical soaked cloth into her mouth.
"She started not being able to get her breath, and we just kept going," one of the girls said.
"She was just yelling at us `What the f**k, what are you doing' .. `Oh you freaks, what's wrong with you psychos."
Mr Stone said they chose to strangle Eliza because one of them had to return to Perth that afternoon and they wanted a quick and "non-messy" killing.
"As our friend, we did not really want her to suffer," one told police.
"We didn't really expect to get away with it.
"We were willing to take the risk."
The girls regretted the fuss the killing caused but neither felt remorse for their dead friend, Mr Stone said.
"If she had died another way it probably would have bothered me ... but it just did not," one girl said.
The girls reported Eliza missing after they buried her and pretended to help her family look for the dead girl.
The girls turned themselves in several days later, walking into separate police stations and directing authorities to where they buried her body.
Mr Stone told the court the girls had no remorse and were holding back on the reason behind their cold-blooded, premeditated, sadistic killing.
"It is a mystery your honour, what happened."
He said the girls had discussed killing someone else and one had prepared for homicide by killing two kittens.
"Whilst together (they) will continue to pose some risk to others in custody."
Mr Stone called for sentences of life in prison.
The hearing continues tomorrow.
This article was emailed to me by a casting director. It is the basis for the script of an upcoming indie film I think I'm going to audition for.
I don't know what to make of this article. Its a million shades of disturbing. But after re -reading it, I find myself attempting to justify what these two girls did. Maybe its just the actor side of my brain kicking in, obviously if I were to play one of them I would have to have some good motivation behind it. Could it really have been that simple as two teenagers craving experiences and having gone too far? I mean, its widely known that teenagers like to push the limits. They experiment with alcohol, drugs, sex, rebellion, but these are all mild compared to actually murdering someone. But could that thirst for knowledge and life really result in death?
I've been hearing a lot about death lately. Its always been a subject of fascination for me, maybe because not a single person can write in actual fact what happens in the perceptional world once someone is deceased. The concept is almost to hard to grasp. So many religions and philosophers dedicate enormous amounts of time, lifetimes even, into analyzing death and the spiritual world, when in fact, we all know that no one can say exactly how it works.
With this in mind, why would these two girl feel the need to explore and tamper with something so out of their own hands? Perhaps they wanted to know what it felt like to commit an act so sadisticly cruel? Or maybe playing with life itself was their objective all along.
You know, even in analyzing this myself, I find a similarity (however small) to these two girls. That is the need for exploration. How exhiliarating and adventerous (if not difficult) it would be too tap into the mindset of a young killer! There is an sick thrill in the danger of discovering thier world. I think I will audition.
ramblings without caffeine
its currently 8:36AM, must admit the earliest i've been up since high school (well, excluding yesterday).ok, i blatantly exaggerate. I actually wake up around 7AMish 3 times per week, but today I'm really feeling the tiredness; eyes feel like sandbags are pulling them down, and i have that eerie lightheaded dizziness you get when you can think of one thing and one thing only- your bed... your nice, comforting, warm bed and how your not in it. perhaps I'm feeling so fatigued at this early hour because its Sunday, the day perpetually known as 'the day of rest' or maybe its because i got 4 hours of sleep last night. why? because of a newfound fascination with madonna.
My Madonna interest was sparked out of nothing more than boredom. seeing as how i don't have cable, i have find myself frequenting youtube.com, late, late at night. Theres a moment, right before sleep hits when you crave mindless, numbing TV to ease you into that state of nocturnal bliss we commonly refer to as sleep. i usually (with a real TV) go for some vh1, E, or sitcom reruns. But with this youtube (which i must say is quite brilliant! but more on that later) i can search for anything, from The View to paparazzi videos. Lately David Letterman's been doing the trick. And the brilliance lies in the fact that you have the control. If there is a particular actor/singer/ personality that your espeicially interested in all you do is type "john joe on david letterman" into the search engine, and i guarantee at least 5 clips will appear, even if the person isn't well known. So, not having any one particular in mind, i blindly typed in David Letterman and, of course, what seemed like thousands upon thousands of clips appeared. I chose some vintage footage of Madonna. Classic! Who knew the child adopting, self controlled, poised family woman we see in the press today had such a vividly colorful past! OK, i don't live under a rock, of course Ive heard that Madonna is the queen of reinventing herself, but i had no interest in investigating this phrase. Until last night. So here is this woman sitting on the hideous, cream colored, early 90's Letterman set, and i find it hard to believe that she is the same Madonna we see today. This woman is raw, crude, inappropriate, outrageous, brash. She has no boundaries, no walls, does not in any way or form edit herself. She says what she feels the moment (or perhaps even a moment before) she thinks it. Either that or she was on some sort of drugs! either way, i didn't know whether to be taken aback by this outlandish behavior or oddly drawn to it. There is something unsettlingly attractive and intriguing about this quality- A person so uninhibited, so "free" if you will, to put themselves out there, nakedly, in her case quite literally as well. Society has trained us all to be polite. To be correct. To follow the rules and live within the boundaries. But for what? I understand that people cannot run around free of regulations and limits, the world would be chaos, and perhaps that's why people are frightened when they see someone such as Madonna so brave and willing to do so. Letterman was clearly baffled, laughing awkwardly and helplessly looking to his crew for direction. And Madonna just sat there, calm and possessed, puffing on a cigar and i imagine internally laughing for causing such calamity in this man. naturally, i wanted to find out more about her! so when the interview ended, i did have a specific person of interest in mind for my next youtube quest. i watched her 3 other times on Letterman and her infamous MTV award performance (again, classic!). The mtv performance really caught my notice, which forced me to give my full, undivided attention to the computer screen. I remember intially watching it when I was about 13. I remember all the controversy surrounding it. I remember feeling as if I were there, in the stadium, feeling the adrenaline pump through my veins as Britney and Christina belted out Madonna classics. And then the magesty herself appeared, tall, looming, such a presence! And Britney and Christina carried on, playing their parts, BRitney with her ridiculous little baby doll expressions. And all this causes me to wonder; if a person reinvents themselves constantly, does that mean they never really know who they are or perhaps they know themselves so well which gives them the freedom to explore expressing different sides of thier personality? Because we have these "people" (and as politically incorrect as this sounds, I hesitate to call celebrities that, because really they are viewed more like Gods, living icons) but they have these invented personas- i.e. Britney used to be considered the 'virginal good girl' and Madonna has been called everything from 'wild child' to 'humanatarian'. My point is (although Im having trouble conveying it)....ugh I'm being interupted too much at work, I lost my trian of thought LOL! This is what happens at 8 AM, with no caffeine going on four hours of sleep!
My Madonna interest was sparked out of nothing more than boredom. seeing as how i don't have cable, i have find myself frequenting youtube.com, late, late at night. Theres a moment, right before sleep hits when you crave mindless, numbing TV to ease you into that state of nocturnal bliss we commonly refer to as sleep. i usually (with a real TV) go for some vh1, E, or sitcom reruns. But with this youtube (which i must say is quite brilliant! but more on that later) i can search for anything, from The View to paparazzi videos. Lately David Letterman's been doing the trick. And the brilliance lies in the fact that you have the control. If there is a particular actor/singer/ personality that your espeicially interested in all you do is type "john joe on david letterman" into the search engine, and i guarantee at least 5 clips will appear, even if the person isn't well known. So, not having any one particular in mind, i blindly typed in David Letterman and, of course, what seemed like thousands upon thousands of clips appeared. I chose some vintage footage of Madonna. Classic! Who knew the child adopting, self controlled, poised family woman we see in the press today had such a vividly colorful past! OK, i don't live under a rock, of course Ive heard that Madonna is the queen of reinventing herself, but i had no interest in investigating this phrase. Until last night. So here is this woman sitting on the hideous, cream colored, early 90's Letterman set, and i find it hard to believe that she is the same Madonna we see today. This woman is raw, crude, inappropriate, outrageous, brash. She has no boundaries, no walls, does not in any way or form edit herself. She says what she feels the moment (or perhaps even a moment before) she thinks it. Either that or she was on some sort of drugs! either way, i didn't know whether to be taken aback by this outlandish behavior or oddly drawn to it. There is something unsettlingly attractive and intriguing about this quality- A person so uninhibited, so "free" if you will, to put themselves out there, nakedly, in her case quite literally as well. Society has trained us all to be polite. To be correct. To follow the rules and live within the boundaries. But for what? I understand that people cannot run around free of regulations and limits, the world would be chaos, and perhaps that's why people are frightened when they see someone such as Madonna so brave and willing to do so. Letterman was clearly baffled, laughing awkwardly and helplessly looking to his crew for direction. And Madonna just sat there, calm and possessed, puffing on a cigar and i imagine internally laughing for causing such calamity in this man. naturally, i wanted to find out more about her! so when the interview ended, i did have a specific person of interest in mind for my next youtube quest. i watched her 3 other times on Letterman and her infamous MTV award performance (again, classic!). The mtv performance really caught my notice, which forced me to give my full, undivided attention to the computer screen. I remember intially watching it when I was about 13. I remember all the controversy surrounding it. I remember feeling as if I were there, in the stadium, feeling the adrenaline pump through my veins as Britney and Christina belted out Madonna classics. And then the magesty herself appeared, tall, looming, such a presence! And Britney and Christina carried on, playing their parts, BRitney with her ridiculous little baby doll expressions. And all this causes me to wonder; if a person reinvents themselves constantly, does that mean they never really know who they are or perhaps they know themselves so well which gives them the freedom to explore expressing different sides of thier personality? Because we have these "people" (and as politically incorrect as this sounds, I hesitate to call celebrities that, because really they are viewed more like Gods, living icons) but they have these invented personas- i.e. Britney used to be considered the 'virginal good girl' and Madonna has been called everything from 'wild child' to 'humanatarian'. My point is (although Im having trouble conveying it)....ugh I'm being interupted too much at work, I lost my trian of thought LOL! This is what happens at 8 AM, with no caffeine going on four hours of sleep!
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