how i end up in these situations, i dont know. im sitting here, laughing in hysterics about the chaos that is my life. im finding it difficult to comprehend last night. could that really have happened?
and to add to the drama in my world (as if needed) I could have possibly just met my future employer. visibly hungover and looking like, well, i wont even go there. So I had the clever idea last night to make babysitting flyers and put them on the front desk in the gym, just to be able to earn a little cash on the side. Now, everyone sees something new (these flyers are attention-catching bright) and they stop to check it out. I doubt half them have kids. But that leaves half that do. When I notice theyre looking for a while I introduce myself. Note to self; withdrawl flyers from members view until sober enough to convince them you'd be a good taker for thier children. Theres a sentace Id never thought Id say. Anyway, so this lady starts questioning me about my expierience and what not, totally reasonable and friendly, yet I can barley comprehend any of this through the pounding head ache, let alone articulate my responsibility, maturity and desire to watch her child. I mutter something completley dumb, something along the lines of "I love playing with kids. Theyre cute. I think theyre reallllyyy fun!" Shoot myself in the foot why dont I? And to make matters worse, my normal clumsiness is accelarated (thank you one hour of sleep) and I accidently knock my bag off the counter as I turn around, causing my diet coke can to hit the ground and explode, spraying fizz in every which way. The lady things I'm crazy. I wouldnt be surprised if Im bordering insane. Whatever.

Back to last night. My mind inevietibly keeps wandering back there, trying to pinpoint details. Contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that drinking makes you more socially inapt, as opposed to outgoing and relaxed. Brief history for youl: highschool/college, its cool to be drunk. puke on the street. run naked through the woods. whatever. its cool that you got beer in the first place. yet the older you get, the more shame involved, i.e. one who cant handle thier liquor is generally frowned upon, sneeered upon. but we all enjoy the drunken state, no? so maybe its just me, but i try to play it cool for as long as i can. maybe its the actress in me, but i can down 6 glasses of wine (and be feeling it) yet convince people ive had 1. this works up until the point when sober girl passes out for no apparent reason. no, but truthfully it just makes me feel more self concious. Esp around people i dont know. having to pretned to be rich or powerful or important is one thing, but having to fight your actual state of physical being to mantain dignity in a crowd is another. maybe im just phycologically warping my perception of being intoxicated. while ive convinced myself that it is a pleasure, its really a state that causes discomfort. unless im alone. what the hell am i talking about?