Tuesday, August 21, 2007
major crisis
im just about having a nervous breakdown at the moment! i was recently informed that my lease is to be terminated come the end of september. and now, in order for me to keep my near perfect apartment, i have to not only repay the brokers fee, but my rent will be raised as well. these realators are just trying to suck more money out of me. i am so frusterated, because as we all know, finding a decent nyc apartment is next to impossible. ive grown to love where im at... the location at least. im so close to the train, the park, the east river, friends apartments, restaurants, bars, not to mention bloomingdales and bergdorfs. I love that I can walk two avenues East and go window shopping at Chloe or Prada. I love that I can walk a few blocks south and go shopping at places I can actually afford, i.e. urban outfitters and searle and bebe and vintage shops... the list can continue, but great shopping aside, i really have come to love the upper east side. Although my apartment is the size of a shoebox, and I have to walk up 5 flights of stairs to get to it, the thought of moving in a month is nauseating! I just painted my kitchen too!! No. I cant be bothered with the tedious task of scanning village voice and craigslist, negotiating with realators, owners, landlords, and finally viewing the apt only to find out its a complete mess. the "charming 1BR with a great view and location" turns out to be a cramped studio with a view of a brick wall and a 5 block walk to the nearest train. No can do. I honestly dont have the energy or stamina to deal with this whole apartment fiasco now. And to add to the disaster, I already promised to share the apt with someone. An apartment, come Oct 1, I will no longer have. Unless of course I shell out another grand or two to these fucking realators.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Dont Look at the Sun
why is it that the last 15 minutes of a 12 hour day seem to pass the slowest? in the attempt to distract my self from the seemingly frozen clock- I write. About nothing, about anything, just in hopes that these last ticking minutes will p a s s.
i have a million things to do! im showing my apartment tonight! And I havent even cleaned yet. I finish hear at 8, and my first appointments at 8:15. Calculate in the walk home, that leaves me with 3 minutes to make my apt look presentable, 5 if I walk fast, but regardless its not an easy task! Hopefully I'll be done with that buzzziness by 9. But I have a date at 930! And I think itd be a good idea, if not considerate, to shower and throw on a little make up, considering I havent done so in almost 2 days...ew. While Im at it I should also try to pick an outfit. And paint my nails. I have a feeling all of the above will end up taking well over a half hour.
My point being, I need to get the hell out of here. Pronto. OK- retracting previous statement about wishing the time away. As the minutes tick closer to 8, my stress level rises, like a thermometer on an increasingly hot day. Im attempting to make a mental check list of what needs to be done and in what order. Walk, no, run, home (try not to be hit by a cab while sprinting across intersections at 79 and 72) Push clothes under bed, throw dishes in sink, push debree on floors to corners. Um try and make the place look liveble. Greet, meet, and kick out roomate prospects. Keep it short and sweet. Shower. Shampoo. Shave. Outfit?? Uh what to wear? I dont even know where were going? Silver American Apparel baithing suit under Marc Jacobs black dress? No- to club-ish! Ummmm anexiety attack kicking in. Overwhelming decition. Jeans? Jeans are safe. Jeans are boring. Not if there green skinny leg jeans. No, too hipster. Oooo white Rock and Republic jeans with white tank and isle de capri heals. Summer chic I like I like. Problem solved. Minimal makeup and fuck the nails and I should have just enough time. Ooh god I have to charge my phone too! It so convienently died on me at noon. Ok 7:52 time to start kicking people out.
Ciao for now bella !
i have a million things to do! im showing my apartment tonight! And I havent even cleaned yet. I finish hear at 8, and my first appointments at 8:15. Calculate in the walk home, that leaves me with 3 minutes to make my apt look presentable, 5 if I walk fast, but regardless its not an easy task! Hopefully I'll be done with that buzzziness by 9. But I have a date at 930! And I think itd be a good idea, if not considerate, to shower and throw on a little make up, considering I havent done so in almost 2 days...ew. While Im at it I should also try to pick an outfit. And paint my nails. I have a feeling all of the above will end up taking well over a half hour.
My point being, I need to get the hell out of here. Pronto. OK- retracting previous statement about wishing the time away. As the minutes tick closer to 8, my stress level rises, like a thermometer on an increasingly hot day. Im attempting to make a mental check list of what needs to be done and in what order. Walk, no, run, home (try not to be hit by a cab while sprinting across intersections at 79 and 72) Push clothes under bed, throw dishes in sink, push debree on floors to corners. Um try and make the place look liveble. Greet, meet, and kick out roomate prospects. Keep it short and sweet. Shower. Shampoo. Shave. Outfit?? Uh what to wear? I dont even know where were going? Silver American Apparel baithing suit under Marc Jacobs black dress? No- to club-ish! Ummmm anexiety attack kicking in. Overwhelming decition. Jeans? Jeans are safe. Jeans are boring. Not if there green skinny leg jeans. No, too hipster. Oooo white Rock and Republic jeans with white tank and isle de capri heals. Summer chic I like I like. Problem solved. Minimal makeup and fuck the nails and I should have just enough time. Ooh god I have to charge my phone too! It so convienently died on me at noon. Ok 7:52 time to start kicking people out.
Ciao for now bella !
Its got to be the heat
First dates are like job interviews, with cocktails. (I stole that from SJP)He's questioning you, your questioning him, when all you both really want to find out is do you have chemistry? Because on the surface you could be compatible in every possible way, but if theres not that steaming, burning, instant lust for one another, then whats the point? There has to be some sort of initial infatuation for it even to be worth while. Or maybe my standards are too high?
Heres my dilema; can I have it all? Can I have love and security? Can I have that jiterry euphoria and the life I've dreamt of? This probably doesnt make sense to the outside observer... but I have the unpleasant feeling that its one or the other.
I have a date tonight, we'll call him Matt. I won't tell you where I met him. From the little I know him, I can already tell he had a good sense of humor, he's kind, and fun. Not to mention absolutly gorgeous. Hes doing an archetechtual internship
I also have a date Sun night, with Miguel. I should marry him. But Im not sure if that chemistry is present. But perhaps, in time, it could be?
August is so...sweaty, and sticky.... It makes me want to be in love. To have a lover. To have a passionate, illicit, lustful affair. I'll stop here
Heres my dilema; can I have it all? Can I have love and security? Can I have that jiterry euphoria and the life I've dreamt of? This probably doesnt make sense to the outside observer... but I have the unpleasant feeling that its one or the other.
I have a date tonight, we'll call him Matt. I won't tell you where I met him. From the little I know him, I can already tell he had a good sense of humor, he's kind, and fun. Not to mention absolutly gorgeous. Hes doing an archetechtual internship
I also have a date Sun night, with Miguel. I should marry him. But Im not sure if that chemistry is present. But perhaps, in time, it could be?
August is so...sweaty, and sticky.... It makes me want to be in love. To have a lover. To have a passionate, illicit, lustful affair. I'll stop here
A Breath of Fresh Air
Today is saturday. I spent the past week in DC. I say DC as opposed to where I actually was, Virginia to avoid the questions about farm life. I save my breath, opting to say DC and not to explain to every person not from the area, that Im from Northren Va, which is a suburb, not a rural environment. And no, I never dated a cousin. Thats West VA, people. Anyway, after missing my bus on Fri night, I awoke bright and early at 6AM the next morning to catch the earliest Sat bus. The 4 hour trip was a nightmare! Normally I put all my available luggage on the seat next to me and claim its for my cousin/boyfriend/sister/friend who conveintly "misses" the bus last minute, leaving me with two whole seats to sprawl out on, and no nagging urge to avoid awkward conversation with the stranger next to me. I knew I was in trouble when a 300 pound man kindly asked if the seat was taken. I nodded yes, but when I saw the sad, disapointed stare he shot back at me, I realized this prob happened to him often and didnt have the heart to destroy his self esteem even more, so I hesitantly moved my bags and offered him the seat. Bad move. Bad, bad move. Had I not been so sleepy when first encountering this man, I would have observed the pungent odor exuding from him. Lucky for me, I had four long hours to endure this pleasent scent. As if I werent suffering enough, I was ridiculously tired with no where to rest my head, besides the massive lump of lard next to me. And my Ipod died within the first 15 minutes. TORTURE.
Four impossibly long hours later I arrive in DC (The real DC, not NoVa) I have tickets to see Phantom of The Opera at The Kennedy Center, but I have a good hour before the show starts, so I shop a little at Urban Outfitters and American Apparel, and get a tomato mozzerella panini with my mom. About a year ago I bought a gorgeous crochet dress, the fabric (not pattern-it was a chic nude) was similiar to that of Missoni garments, but I never had a chance to wear it. I seem to bring it with me whenever I travel, convinced that on the spur of the moment I'll be invited to a black tie benefit ball and have the chance to slip it on, yet a year had passed and no such luck, until last Sat, that is. It was perfect for an afternoon of Opera with the Grandmother, yet sexy enough to wear out afterwards for wine on one of those boats that circle the harbor giving views of the capital. THat second thing didnt quite happen, but it wouldve been nice if it did. Anyway, Phantom was phenomonal. I love musicals and all their overproduced, over acted glory. It was nice to see my grammie, although I swear all she talked about was how fantastic the recent Shakespeare she'd seen had been. My estranged cousin and sister were there as well, although we didnt talk much.
Three hours later, after the show, my sister drove me back to VA, Gainesville to be exact, where my other estranged cousin was having a birthday barbeque (although I'm not sure whom it was for? There was a cake though, with balloons, which Im pretty sure signifies a birthday?) All the relatives from the other side of the family were there. Half of them were drunk. The other half acted like they were. I kid, they are all very nice, loving people. People whom I havent seen in ages, so I guess it was good to see how everyone was doing.
I got home at 10PM, unpacked, and enjoyed good, bad cable television. Some classic E! or something. And cuddled with my puppies.
Sunday I rode my bike to the community pool. I've been spoiled with NY pools, with thier views and towel service and mojitos. I was slightly underwhelmed with the VA Run Neighborhood community pool. Its in desperate need of an upgrade, with its flimsy, 90's lounge chairs and stained concrete floors and locker rooms that reek with stinch of urine. But I settled because well, the other option was... actually there was no other option. I laid out for a good hour or two, and reread the Owl and The Pussycat and made some calls I'd been procrastinating.
I forget what I did later that day, needless to say it was more or less uneventful, which I genuinly enjoyed. Its nice to be lazy for a few days, with no schedule, no obligations, no responsibilities..its almost as if life moves in slow motion. After a while this slow motion can become nausiating, but for a moment its blissful. My mom cooked dinner that night. I cant remember the last time someone cooked for me. After dinner we sat on my back porch with a glass of Chardonnay. Suddenly I was so aware of the atmosphere... to hear mere sound of crickets chirping- and absoulutly nothing else- is slightly disarming when your accustomed to the roar of sirens, the hum of traffic, the voices of strangers. I looked up and saw nothing but I clear raven sky, scattered with a million tiny stars. No building, no air traffic, no pollution. It felt like a long needed fresh breath I had been waiting to take, the oxygen slowly pouring in.
The rest of the week was spent in the same manner. Long mornings lounging by the community pool, bike rides to no where, lazy afternoons spent in front of the TV, doing activities like trips to the mall or walking the dogs, for the simple purpose of killing time. By day 3 I was itching for my obligations, stresses, and responsibilities. Or at least some social interaction, apart from my forty-something year old parents. So I called some old friends from Golds Gym. That chapter of my life seems so distant, yet as I sat in the room of an old friend, smoking and generally doing what I did for 3 months, it seemed like only yesterday.
Tuesday I went to the tackiest amusement park in America, Kings Dominoun. Good family fun. The crowd there was so grose, though, it almost ruined my day. I sound so pessimistic, but all I could think about was all the germs I was contracting by being in the same lines and sitting in the same roller coaster seats as these people. I have major OCD. But it was nice to spend time with my whole family, which is rare. The last time I was with them all was probably two years ago at the beach. Its so strange to see my kid brothers as teenagers, two of them are already taller than me! Its also bizarre to think that two people who grew up in the same house, with the same parents, under the same circumstances could turn out so radically different. Im referring to my sister and I, but now that I think about it my brothers too. I mean, I shared a huge chunk of my life with these people, you would think we would have something in common, other than a last name. My sister and I were practically joined by the hip when we were little... we shared a room, shared secrets, shared clothing... and now we couldnt be more opposite. Strange right?
Wednesday had the same attitude as the other days... general laziness. I did a little home shopping with my mom. I got some cleaning supplies, food, laundry detergent, neccesities that sadly, I rarley buy.
Thursday, I drove back to the city with my mom. More or less an uneventful drive. Good conversation, good sleep time. We didnt get to the city until about 7. We walked to the East River and then to Cilantro for a dinner of Sangria and steak fajitas. I went home, unpacked, fell asleep watching Sex and The City on DVD.
Four impossibly long hours later I arrive in DC (The real DC, not NoVa) I have tickets to see Phantom of The Opera at The Kennedy Center, but I have a good hour before the show starts, so I shop a little at Urban Outfitters and American Apparel, and get a tomato mozzerella panini with my mom. About a year ago I bought a gorgeous crochet dress, the fabric (not pattern-it was a chic nude) was similiar to that of Missoni garments, but I never had a chance to wear it. I seem to bring it with me whenever I travel, convinced that on the spur of the moment I'll be invited to a black tie benefit ball and have the chance to slip it on, yet a year had passed and no such luck, until last Sat, that is. It was perfect for an afternoon of Opera with the Grandmother, yet sexy enough to wear out afterwards for wine on one of those boats that circle the harbor giving views of the capital. THat second thing didnt quite happen, but it wouldve been nice if it did. Anyway, Phantom was phenomonal. I love musicals and all their overproduced, over acted glory. It was nice to see my grammie, although I swear all she talked about was how fantastic the recent Shakespeare she'd seen had been. My estranged cousin and sister were there as well, although we didnt talk much.
Three hours later, after the show, my sister drove me back to VA, Gainesville to be exact, where my other estranged cousin was having a birthday barbeque (although I'm not sure whom it was for? There was a cake though, with balloons, which Im pretty sure signifies a birthday?) All the relatives from the other side of the family were there. Half of them were drunk. The other half acted like they were. I kid, they are all very nice, loving people. People whom I havent seen in ages, so I guess it was good to see how everyone was doing.
I got home at 10PM, unpacked, and enjoyed good, bad cable television. Some classic E! or something. And cuddled with my puppies.
Sunday I rode my bike to the community pool. I've been spoiled with NY pools, with thier views and towel service and mojitos. I was slightly underwhelmed with the VA Run Neighborhood community pool. Its in desperate need of an upgrade, with its flimsy, 90's lounge chairs and stained concrete floors and locker rooms that reek with stinch of urine. But I settled because well, the other option was... actually there was no other option. I laid out for a good hour or two, and reread the Owl and The Pussycat and made some calls I'd been procrastinating.
I forget what I did later that day, needless to say it was more or less uneventful, which I genuinly enjoyed. Its nice to be lazy for a few days, with no schedule, no obligations, no responsibilities..its almost as if life moves in slow motion. After a while this slow motion can become nausiating, but for a moment its blissful. My mom cooked dinner that night. I cant remember the last time someone cooked for me. After dinner we sat on my back porch with a glass of Chardonnay. Suddenly I was so aware of the atmosphere... to hear mere sound of crickets chirping- and absoulutly nothing else- is slightly disarming when your accustomed to the roar of sirens, the hum of traffic, the voices of strangers. I looked up and saw nothing but I clear raven sky, scattered with a million tiny stars. No building, no air traffic, no pollution. It felt like a long needed fresh breath I had been waiting to take, the oxygen slowly pouring in.
The rest of the week was spent in the same manner. Long mornings lounging by the community pool, bike rides to no where, lazy afternoons spent in front of the TV, doing activities like trips to the mall or walking the dogs, for the simple purpose of killing time. By day 3 I was itching for my obligations, stresses, and responsibilities. Or at least some social interaction, apart from my forty-something year old parents. So I called some old friends from Golds Gym. That chapter of my life seems so distant, yet as I sat in the room of an old friend, smoking and generally doing what I did for 3 months, it seemed like only yesterday.
Tuesday I went to the tackiest amusement park in America, Kings Dominoun. Good family fun. The crowd there was so grose, though, it almost ruined my day. I sound so pessimistic, but all I could think about was all the germs I was contracting by being in the same lines and sitting in the same roller coaster seats as these people. I have major OCD. But it was nice to spend time with my whole family, which is rare. The last time I was with them all was probably two years ago at the beach. Its so strange to see my kid brothers as teenagers, two of them are already taller than me! Its also bizarre to think that two people who grew up in the same house, with the same parents, under the same circumstances could turn out so radically different. Im referring to my sister and I, but now that I think about it my brothers too. I mean, I shared a huge chunk of my life with these people, you would think we would have something in common, other than a last name. My sister and I were practically joined by the hip when we were little... we shared a room, shared secrets, shared clothing... and now we couldnt be more opposite. Strange right?
Wednesday had the same attitude as the other days... general laziness. I did a little home shopping with my mom. I got some cleaning supplies, food, laundry detergent, neccesities that sadly, I rarley buy.
Thursday, I drove back to the city with my mom. More or less an uneventful drive. Good conversation, good sleep time. We didnt get to the city until about 7. We walked to the East River and then to Cilantro for a dinner of Sangria and steak fajitas. I went home, unpacked, fell asleep watching Sex and The City on DVD.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Im causing too much drama
im not dropping names. ...
but a certain person has been accusing me of causing too much drama.
maybe i admitted something i shouldnt have. i mean i told him we could split the divorce settlement if he helped me. a team. and now i know hes going to tell his friend that rude remark i made. i thought it was funny. he didnt.
then, i accidently fell asleep in his ex girlfriends stella mccartney dress and this really pushed his buttons. oh and i accidently wore it home. i couldnt find my shirt! who cares? now hes so pissed. and i know hes going to fuck things up with the guy im trying to fuck.
he says they were all talking about it. all of those people. i dont know whether to be embarressed or flattered. but then he said i was rude bc he brought me and they were all competing (flaterring) and he got mad bc i kissed him. i had to.
and then the issue of the phone. he got so annoyed. well im sorry but im not going to curve my actions to please anyone. thats not me.
he thinks im too young to. but i dont act it unless its 7am.
oh i wish i could get into more detail bc this whole ordeal is really troubling to me.
but a certain person has been accusing me of causing too much drama.
maybe i admitted something i shouldnt have. i mean i told him we could split the divorce settlement if he helped me. a team. and now i know hes going to tell his friend that rude remark i made. i thought it was funny. he didnt.
then, i accidently fell asleep in his ex girlfriends stella mccartney dress and this really pushed his buttons. oh and i accidently wore it home. i couldnt find my shirt! who cares? now hes so pissed. and i know hes going to fuck things up with the guy im trying to fuck.
he says they were all talking about it. all of those people. i dont know whether to be embarressed or flattered. but then he said i was rude bc he brought me and they were all competing (flaterring) and he got mad bc i kissed him. i had to.
and then the issue of the phone. he got so annoyed. well im sorry but im not going to curve my actions to please anyone. thats not me.
he thinks im too young to. but i dont act it unless its 7am.
oh i wish i could get into more detail bc this whole ordeal is really troubling to me.
complete madness
last night i partied up a storm. it was so wild i dont know where to begin.
got off of work at 11, hopped in a cab downtown to the meat packing district, to meet some friends at pastis. i really dont get what all the fuss is over pastis? like sun brunch for those french ham and cheese things and belinis, yes, but im just not feeling the dinner vibe. although everyones always there. i dont want to name drop, but i was introduced to a friend of the man i was with, who happens to be ceo of a very large, very well known fashion company. he had his own body guard. major. so pastis was brief. we walked around the corner to budha bar. there was a group of about 8? got one of their large glass floor tables and ordered coconut mojitos and black budhas. dangerous! last time i had a black budha was for a's bday back in april. after just two i was completly out of it and ready to head home. there potent. so around 1 we hopped into his escalade and his driver drove us over to butter. i love people with drivers and hot cars. anyway. butter-obv the place to be a mon night. thats when the craziness really ensued. typical model type crowd. cut the line of course. he had his publist call and reserve a table. ordered lots of bottles of moet champagne and soon im shaking my ass on top of the table. it was all good fun. seriously though, there are few things in life i enjoy more than dancing wildly on table tops in the best clubs wiht champagne flute in one hand and cig in the other. just makes me happy ok? hopped back in the escalade around 4am and headed over to beatrice inn which i love love love! seriously the vibe there is so hipster and laid back and rock and roll and just the epitome of cool. even the champagne glasses are just those retro ones. the djs are unique and the dancing is the head bobbing drugged out kind (even though i dont do drugs, it just looks like everyone there has just been on a major coke binge lindsay lohan style). oh i ran into this bitchy parisian girl there whose in one of my classes and thinks shes the shit bc shes done a lot of film work in europe. she gave major attitude which is never fun. prob the one flaw of the night (up to that point). so left beatrice at 6(yes 6AM) with the sun shining bright. i love those nights... you see people just waking up heading to work with their coffee and your in such the opposite state its weird idk, but anyway i headed back to a certain friends apt to sleep over bc for some reason i was just on a huge adrenaline kick and was not tired. this guy is hard to read. ill elaborate because i have time. he uses words such as "Darling" and "lover" and "fabulous". He wears cleanly pressed, uber chic top designer clothing and has wicked style. Hes past metro... hes def crosses into the sterotypical gay zone, yet he swearsss hes straight. and i believe him bc he always is vying for my attention, i mean sexually. and he always points out certain girls he deems "fuckable". but then he'll say something like "Darling, that bitch is wearing last seasons jimmy choos". so confusing right? well whatever, i sleep over at his apt bc A. its 7 times the size of mine (at least), is in one of the best apt buildings in nyc, where tons of celebrities live (good sightings) has a pool, gym, rooftop access with a golfcourt and room service. yes, roomservice. oh and a killer view and balcony. so we go back and get in pajamas and start fighting or laughing or something and ended up playing dress up haha! it was so fun! he finally went to bed but i stayed up and drank some more wine (pinot grigio makes an excellent breakfast) talked on the phone for a while, then went up to the roof to soak up the sun and fabulous views.
i got in a cab to go to class today at 2. and now im at work. and exhausted. the end.
got off of work at 11, hopped in a cab downtown to the meat packing district, to meet some friends at pastis. i really dont get what all the fuss is over pastis? like sun brunch for those french ham and cheese things and belinis, yes, but im just not feeling the dinner vibe. although everyones always there. i dont want to name drop, but i was introduced to a friend of the man i was with, who happens to be ceo of a very large, very well known fashion company. he had his own body guard. major. so pastis was brief. we walked around the corner to budha bar. there was a group of about 8? got one of their large glass floor tables and ordered coconut mojitos and black budhas. dangerous! last time i had a black budha was for a's bday back in april. after just two i was completly out of it and ready to head home. there potent. so around 1 we hopped into his escalade and his driver drove us over to butter. i love people with drivers and hot cars. anyway. butter-obv the place to be a mon night. thats when the craziness really ensued. typical model type crowd. cut the line of course. he had his publist call and reserve a table. ordered lots of bottles of moet champagne and soon im shaking my ass on top of the table. it was all good fun. seriously though, there are few things in life i enjoy more than dancing wildly on table tops in the best clubs wiht champagne flute in one hand and cig in the other. just makes me happy ok? hopped back in the escalade around 4am and headed over to beatrice inn which i love love love! seriously the vibe there is so hipster and laid back and rock and roll and just the epitome of cool. even the champagne glasses are just those retro ones. the djs are unique and the dancing is the head bobbing drugged out kind (even though i dont do drugs, it just looks like everyone there has just been on a major coke binge lindsay lohan style). oh i ran into this bitchy parisian girl there whose in one of my classes and thinks shes the shit bc shes done a lot of film work in europe. she gave major attitude which is never fun. prob the one flaw of the night (up to that point). so left beatrice at 6(yes 6AM) with the sun shining bright. i love those nights... you see people just waking up heading to work with their coffee and your in such the opposite state its weird idk, but anyway i headed back to a certain friends apt to sleep over bc for some reason i was just on a huge adrenaline kick and was not tired. this guy is hard to read. ill elaborate because i have time. he uses words such as "Darling" and "lover" and "fabulous". He wears cleanly pressed, uber chic top designer clothing and has wicked style. Hes past metro... hes def crosses into the sterotypical gay zone, yet he swearsss hes straight. and i believe him bc he always is vying for my attention, i mean sexually. and he always points out certain girls he deems "fuckable". but then he'll say something like "Darling, that bitch is wearing last seasons jimmy choos". so confusing right? well whatever, i sleep over at his apt bc A. its 7 times the size of mine (at least), is in one of the best apt buildings in nyc, where tons of celebrities live (good sightings) has a pool, gym, rooftop access with a golfcourt and room service. yes, roomservice. oh and a killer view and balcony. so we go back and get in pajamas and start fighting or laughing or something and ended up playing dress up haha! it was so fun! he finally went to bed but i stayed up and drank some more wine (pinot grigio makes an excellent breakfast) talked on the phone for a while, then went up to the roof to soak up the sun and fabulous views.
i got in a cab to go to class today at 2. and now im at work. and exhausted. the end.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
how i end up in these situations, i dont know. im sitting here, laughing in hysterics about the chaos that is my life. im finding it difficult to comprehend last night. could that really have happened?
and to add to the drama in my world (as if needed) I could have possibly just met my future employer. visibly hungover and looking like, well, i wont even go there. So I had the clever idea last night to make babysitting flyers and put them on the front desk in the gym, just to be able to earn a little cash on the side. Now, everyone sees something new (these flyers are attention-catching bright) and they stop to check it out. I doubt half them have kids. But that leaves half that do. When I notice theyre looking for a while I introduce myself. Note to self; withdrawl flyers from members view until sober enough to convince them you'd be a good taker for thier children. Theres a sentace Id never thought Id say. Anyway, so this lady starts questioning me about my expierience and what not, totally reasonable and friendly, yet I can barley comprehend any of this through the pounding head ache, let alone articulate my responsibility, maturity and desire to watch her child. I mutter something completley dumb, something along the lines of "I love playing with kids. Theyre cute. I think theyre reallllyyy fun!" Shoot myself in the foot why dont I? And to make matters worse, my normal clumsiness is accelarated (thank you one hour of sleep) and I accidently knock my bag off the counter as I turn around, causing my diet coke can to hit the ground and explode, spraying fizz in every which way. The lady things I'm crazy. I wouldnt be surprised if Im bordering insane. Whatever.
Back to last night. My mind inevietibly keeps wandering back there, trying to pinpoint details. Contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that drinking makes you more socially inapt, as opposed to outgoing and relaxed. Brief history for youl: highschool/college, its cool to be drunk. puke on the street. run naked through the woods. whatever. its cool that you got beer in the first place. yet the older you get, the more shame involved, i.e. one who cant handle thier liquor is generally frowned upon, sneeered upon. but we all enjoy the drunken state, no? so maybe its just me, but i try to play it cool for as long as i can. maybe its the actress in me, but i can down 6 glasses of wine (and be feeling it) yet convince people ive had 1. this works up until the point when sober girl passes out for no apparent reason. no, but truthfully it just makes me feel more self concious. Esp around people i dont know. having to pretned to be rich or powerful or important is one thing, but having to fight your actual state of physical being to mantain dignity in a crowd is another. maybe im just phycologically warping my perception of being intoxicated. while ive convinced myself that it is a pleasure, its really a state that causes discomfort. unless im alone. what the hell am i talking about?
and to add to the drama in my world (as if needed) I could have possibly just met my future employer. visibly hungover and looking like, well, i wont even go there. So I had the clever idea last night to make babysitting flyers and put them on the front desk in the gym, just to be able to earn a little cash on the side. Now, everyone sees something new (these flyers are attention-catching bright) and they stop to check it out. I doubt half them have kids. But that leaves half that do. When I notice theyre looking for a while I introduce myself. Note to self; withdrawl flyers from members view until sober enough to convince them you'd be a good taker for thier children. Theres a sentace Id never thought Id say. Anyway, so this lady starts questioning me about my expierience and what not, totally reasonable and friendly, yet I can barley comprehend any of this through the pounding head ache, let alone articulate my responsibility, maturity and desire to watch her child. I mutter something completley dumb, something along the lines of "I love playing with kids. Theyre cute. I think theyre reallllyyy fun!" Shoot myself in the foot why dont I? And to make matters worse, my normal clumsiness is accelarated (thank you one hour of sleep) and I accidently knock my bag off the counter as I turn around, causing my diet coke can to hit the ground and explode, spraying fizz in every which way. The lady things I'm crazy. I wouldnt be surprised if Im bordering insane. Whatever.
Back to last night. My mind inevietibly keeps wandering back there, trying to pinpoint details. Contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that drinking makes you more socially inapt, as opposed to outgoing and relaxed. Brief history for youl: highschool/college, its cool to be drunk. puke on the street. run naked through the woods. whatever. its cool that you got beer in the first place. yet the older you get, the more shame involved, i.e. one who cant handle thier liquor is generally frowned upon, sneeered upon. but we all enjoy the drunken state, no? so maybe its just me, but i try to play it cool for as long as i can. maybe its the actress in me, but i can down 6 glasses of wine (and be feeling it) yet convince people ive had 1. this works up until the point when sober girl passes out for no apparent reason. no, but truthfully it just makes me feel more self concious. Esp around people i dont know. having to pretned to be rich or powerful or important is one thing, but having to fight your actual state of physical being to mantain dignity in a crowd is another. maybe im just phycologically warping my perception of being intoxicated. while ive convinced myself that it is a pleasure, its really a state that causes discomfort. unless im alone. what the hell am i talking about?
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